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There Are No Better Answers
2023-03-21 - 00:14
There are no better answers, only better questions.
This is what Josh said when we were having a discussion on childhood trauma and how I can get better at socializing etc.
There are also some things Pushkar said about Transactional Analysis, which was also something helpful. Although both of these discussions were not completed, they did help me steer in a better direction overall.
Pushkar also said that the easiest way to make good relationships is to be in close proximity with people, which is something I lack, I mean I knew that, and that is the only thing holding me back from becoming better at socializing.
The point he was trying to make is just ask better questions as to why you are the way you are, and ask another question to go deeper when you answer the first question.
So here is a little bit of exercise that I did. There is still a lot to ask, but it helped.
Q. Why are you shy and docile?
A. Because when I was a student, I always felt that I was not smart enough, so I kept quiet and observed things.
Q. Why did you think that you were not smart enough?
A. Because that was what my teachers always told me, and also I was not good at getting good grades.
Q. Why were you not good at studies?
A. Never paid enough attention.
Q. So, is it possible that you actually are not bad at studies?
A. Yes, this is something I found out much later when, I realized that I can study hard when I put my mind to it. Although it may not be for a test, but when I need to understand something I can put my head down and study hard.
Q. So, doesn't that mean that you're actually pretty normal, when it comes to intelligence?
A. Yes, that is true, I'm pretty normal, but in some aspects I'm better than average too.
Q. Great, Given the chance you can also be an extrovert and assertive, isn't it?
A. Yep, that's how I get when I get to know people enough, It just takes some getting warmed up for me. This might be due to having the habit of talking less and being a bit of an introvert.
As you can see, this can go on for a long time, until you really start asking yourself some hard questions that take time and effort to answer, but also help you understand important things about yourself.
So thanks to some good friends, I've got some more weapons in my arsenal now. These are some of the tools that I'll use to get a better understanding of myself and help myself to get the thing I want.